Austin' Early years

earlier years: starting from the beginning, ages 1-3.

I lived with my mom and dad, in a apartment complex. not the best environment, but it was my home.
my mom and dad fought a lot, and were physical all the time. my mom is 5'2, my dad is 6'3.
that didn't scare my mom, though. She's a blackbelt and kick boxer, so she whooped his ass plenty of times.
they were together for eleven years, but only three while I was alive. for whatever reason, they both went to prison when I was three.
I went to live with my grandma, but I was already over there more often than not, anyways, so it wasn't a big change for me.

ages 5-10:
My mom got out of prison around this time, but I was so settled at my grandma's I didn't want to leave.
even though that was far from a good evironment, it was my home. This home consisted of my Grandpa Billy, my grandmother aka "mamie" or "pauline", My older brother of seven years, JT, and two dogs named Freeway and Roxy.
it had it's ups and downs, just like every situation, but I would do anything to go back to those days.
I didn't have the most sane or "normal" family, in fact; we're some of the furthest from it my grandpa was an alcoholic, and a violent one at that... but he was super caring while sober.
my grandma was also an alcoholic, but more in control of herself while drunk. but that attitude is no joke!
They've been through a lot together, but they always loved each other at the end of the day.
To emphasize on their life, during the day they were loving and calm, laughing and all. during the night, after my grandpa drank one too many beers and my grandma downing her whiskey, things would escalate.
they went from loving and calm, to hate and violence with the flip of a switch.
they were both bat-shit psychotic, and could handle it, but I remember many traumatic events that will haunt me forever.
from me having to call the cops at 6-years-old, my grandpa cornering my grandmother, me kicking and fighting him off of her as a small child, and even one time when thinking I just watched my MOTHER die in front of me, collapsing on the ground from my grandpa choking her too hard.
I can still hear the screaming echoing in my head. The drama and violence was every other day, to everyday. Although, all of that aside, my family stuck together. We were soldiers, and nothing could break us. We had our crazy moments, but there were wonderful moments as well.
Like the occasional Sunday dinners, and the beginning to all of our holidays were nice… until my grandpa got drunk, that is. Flip of a switch, that one. He was a scorpio, just like me. That’s why my mother named me after him. Sadly, I have his level of crazy resting calmly within, as well as my mom and grandma’s… as crazy as that is, I can still control myself better than all of them, and have patience that can stretch for three miles. It always runs out at some point, though… Flip of a switch. I don’t understand how my grandparents did it, though. It was like… they got off to it or something. My mother and I broke the mold of our family, we’re the only two that haven’t tried to kill each other, even though we too have had our crazy moments in the past, we still had a best friend-like bond that held us together like glue. My mom knows everything about me, I keep little to no secrets from her, she’s all I have these days, but she’s all I need. She is my best friend, no one can compare to her in my eyes.
Ages 10-17:
It was around this time I got my first dog that I could claim as my own. She is now 9, and her name is Chloe. She’s a red nose pit/lab/curr mix, with a half blue/rusty brown eye. That dog and I have been through a lot together. Sadly, she never got to meet my grandpa. He had past not long before, due to lung cancer from smoking cigarettes. He battled it for 6 months, before having a heart attack in his bedroom and dying in our driveway. My grandma came home to him blue and stiff laying in bed, I slept through it all, but woke up to it early in the morning. I was more concerned with my grandma’s mental state more than anything, she was so calm in the kitchen but I could sence every part of her being crushed. That was her life, her provider, her home. Now all she had was my brother and I, for as long as he stuck around, a couple years pass, and he invites his girlfriend to live with us. They’re still together and have been for a long time. They only lived with us for a couple years before getting an apartment, then it was just my grandma and I for quite a few years. We created many great memories, shared a thousand laughs, and many late nights just watching TV until we fell asleep. I miss my grandma dearly, and her craziness as well. Not something I really understood until she passed and I grew. She didn’t have my grandpa anymore, and deep down knew I could handle her crazy better than my mother… But she still went towards my mother for the real fights. More often than not, they couldn’t spend two hours around each other without some attitude, or… broken glass. They did love each other, though… Just couldn’t grip their crazy. They would let it consume, process… Even I’ve done it, but it always ends in pure destruction, so I try not to do that anymore. Enough family talk! Let’s focus on my school life… well, while I was there, at least. I was known for being one of the most rebellious kids, but not one of the biggest trouble makers. Even though, I had my fun! Still, though, I was very careless about everything. I missed on AVERAGE, at least 85 days of school per year from kindergarten to seventh grade. I would usually only make it two days out of the week, if that at all. And when I was at school, I didn’t really do much of anything besides skip class or do something I shouldn’t be. I’ve probably done enough homework in my life to count on one hand, I don’t know what was wrong with me. no one in my family was as bad as me, it’s kinda sad, but I grew a lot from my experiences and mistakes, including dropping out of high school in 10th grade. I had no choice in the matter, though. In 10th grade, my guidance counselor told me that I need 24 credits to graduate and I only had HALF of one credit. Sticking around would’ve been dumber than leaving, because I knew I’d just be wasting my time. I dropped out, and got to experience several years of freedom as the real world slowly came down on me.
I joined the ‘gay scene’ within my first week. I went to go experience Fort Lauderdale with an older man from my facebook, who claimed he only wanted to show the naive 18-year-old a wonderful experience and nothing more. He spoiled me, took me out to eat, bought me clothes and underwear… plus got me hella drunk! Fun. *sarcasm*
Then, not long after… I wanted to go to a boy named Johnny gayge’s party, someone I had been watching on facebook for a couple years, as well as a few others. I go on grindr to find a ride, and there he is… BIG JOE! Someone I’ve noticed is connected. Sadly, the party didn’t happen.. but he hit me up the next day to go to his house, where I met Armani, Brandon Bradbury, Dillon Blackburn, Justin Weiss, Kye Kamryn, and of course… Joshua. Plus many more that came and went. I had a good 6 months in the gay scene, partied all the time. I was in St. pete for over a week at a time more often than not, and was only home for a few days at a time before leaving again. One day, though.. it all changed in the blink of an eye. I was gone for 8 days, and on the 7th night I called my grandma to tell her I wasn’t gonna be able to make it home that night, like I intended… my rides fault, so I told her I would be home in the morning. Which I was… only to find my grandma on the floor. Everything changed in the blink of an eye, and the guilt of it haunted me for a long time… still does, that’s why I have to hold back the tears as I type this.
I went solo for a year and a half, and during that time, I grew more than I ever have.
And I had to go through a lot of bullshit to get here. First we start off with my mother moving into my house, which was very good on our relationship. We always had a best friend bond, but had no balance in that relationship when it came to me viewing her as a… mother. Had to go through a lot of bullshit to get there, as well. We lasted a good 6 months, before getting a call from my uncle, the one who owned the rights to the house. My mom and him had been going back and forth for awhile, so he decided to rip my childhood home away from me. Once again, it was all lost in the blink of an eye, everything changed in an instant. I lost my home, and was forced to find someone else, even though I was broke and so was my mom and her boyfriend. We landed in a trailer park, which I was fine with at first, but the longer I was there… the worst it got, the darker it got, and it sucked me right into it just like it does everyone else. It’s like the place has a spell of bad luck casted all over it. I loved my trailer, though. We bought it for $500 and changed everything about it 110%. Literally everything about it was different, and eventually ricky just started having fun in his spare time. He remodeled houses for a living at one point, and is super creative. That man worked wonders.I loved the home I created there, and the good memories that followed, including new friends and even new family. Shay being a perfect example of the family I made. Nonetheless, though, the place was bad news. Drug infested, violence every other day, cops in and out LITERALLY every day. So stressful.
But one day, everything changed, for the better… in the blink of an eye. I escaped, went to Fort Lauderdale to enjoy a vacation to revive my soul, then came to cbl for a casual party… and ended up staying put! My happy little ass isn’t ready to leave, yet. I’m going to use this time to get on my feet, remember who I am, discover new things about who I am… and do as I damn well please. Stay tuned!