Zack's Diary Early years

 Born October 19th 1992 at 7:30 a.m.

I was Born in a town called Borovichi Novgorod, Oblast Russia, to Ludmila (Russian) and Evgenii (Polish). i have two sister, Ludmila my younger sister and then Tatiana my oldest, which makes me the only male of my family and the middle child! Growing up my mother and father, where very different, my father; as stated above was Polish and Roman catholic, and my Mother is Russian and full Greek Orthodox. This is to give you a little perspective as to how important life in Russia really is and how serious religion is based on there! Growing up I had no real ideal as to what Homosexuality was but was preached about how it was sinful act to lay with another male. I grew up not thinking about it much, we grew up so proper and so much respect for elders and family members, life you could say sometimes was so strict that it made the straight guys here, look like a fool and make them run back to their mommies, life was just to formal and come to my later years i would find out that that life style wasn't for me! We would sit down for formal dinners Thursday and Sunday along with sometimes Saturday if my father parents came over! My Father; a very stern and strict Russian official, who like most men on my mothers side served for their country! My Mother use to tell me that was the only way to win her mother over to liking him! However my real life; who I am today and what you see now, started when i was 15, a freshmen in high school, a smart and educated boy who stuck his nose in the books but also was more of a jock as well. Who would of ever known now? haha! But it was true, I was surrounded by my buddies Ruslin, Sasha, Yuri and I, we where thick as thieves. After school we would go to Sash's Grand papa's pub where we would get a beer and smoke and talk about the girls haha, Sasha was the light of the party and i was the one who sat there listening but not really in tuned with it all, i held back trying to be a good boy and not to get into trouble! on my 16th birthday i remember coming home very late due to being out with the three of them and my grand papa was sitting in the kitchen alone, he ushered me over with a finger to his lips and told me, "come sit, Have drink with me, and i wont tell you parents about you coming home late"! So i had a drink with my grand papa and he never told my parents of that night! Sixteen; an age, a number, but yet it was more then that to me, all my life i have had three girl friends, one of them and the last of them, was a crazy girl from Ukraine named Yana, who i guess can be blamed for turning me gay cuz shoot she drove me sometimes to insanity! But sixteen was also the year i applied for the foreign exchange program to start a workshop for bio chem engineering, as far as grades go, i had to have all A's or at least one B to be accepted and i also had to take a test to see if my knowledge of the field i was going into was eligible! It was no easy task and with great studying an many lonely nights of pounding one out on my own, I succeeded! I was accepted and got my visa! I remember the Day i left; all that week i had been so excited i had not even thought of the fears the nervousness or the missed, i think now that's what comes to haunt me the most! the day i woke up to take a train to Moscow i was so excited i had made my bed and made sure that all my belongings where in order before i left my room, i ran down the stairs and jumped the last step, to head out to the car, i didn't even take anything to eat with me seeing as i would eat at the airport!The last goodbyes to my parents.......this part is hard for me its just like yesterday the haunted memories of their face not knowing i wouldn't see them again! I remember hugging my mother so tight almost though i would break her hahah, and now i wish i had never let go! After saying my final goodbyes and tears in my mothers eyes, i went and got something to eat so i could have something to last me before eating on the plane! Flying to america was amazing the butterfly's had not even set in, some would call me brave, however i just didn't get nervous seeing as i had traveled many of times to go see my grandparents in Poland! The Plane took me from Moscow to Germany and Germany to UK before landing in New York! where i took from there to Madison Wisconsin! when i Landed i met the Exchange parents who would be taking me in for the next three years of my life! Note that the entire time i was studying abroad i only went back once for the holidays however it wasn't home seeing as i stayed with my grandmother in Moscow! now that i look back on it i haven't been to my house in Borovichi for eight total years, I know my mother always kept my room just how i left it, she use to tell me that her little bird left the nest but would fly home soon! I never did! My mother was taken a year ago Last June due to a shooting in the next door apartment while visiting a friend in St. Petersburg, as any son would do if their mother was taken from him and wasn't able to go home for the funeral nor hadn't been back for eight years, is grieve and long for home, but it wasn't that easy, i spent a good portion of the year secluded and to myself not one tear dropped form my eye, until a couple months ago from before i moved here to Tampa! But to back up a little and clarify, after my forth year was in session and my visa expired within another month i was to be returning home in time to be back in my country before it expired, i had hopped back on the plan, when i had hit Germany that's when My life once again changed this time for the worst! I was bought board onto the plane when an official kindly escorted me away from the terminal not saying too much i was ushered into a back room where i was then questioned with three translators and and officer and a terminal director, i was asked why i was returning and what my business was in Moscow! I spoke to them in Russian in case they felt i was to be suspected as an american trying to cross over! I ended up being asked to go back to the terminal and i would be ushered to where i needed to go! when i got to the terminal another officer and official where there to tell me that i was to be flown back to the United States that right now flying to Moscow wasn't safe and that i would be notified further when i returned!I honestly was scared and so confused i called my Father on the phone w\before taking off to let him know what was going on, my father told me to listen to the officials and that he would see to it that i get a green card until he could figure out what was going on. I was for a year a legal citizen until up to two years ago when i went in to take my test, the studying was the hardest, for me some things; easier! Come December 12th i was recognized by the United States government as a Fully established citizen, however i celebrate this special day on January 15th due to that was when i received the paper work in an envelope! Now here I am Vlad or better known in Russia and to my Family who i Love Respect and miss dearly; Valerii Egorov Evgenievitch ! And this is what made me who i am today, thru four major changes in my life to where it turned my life so far around, that going back only makes me run forward in life never to look back and to only keep my head above high because we all know life isn't easier but life and its hardships are what made me, and i am not ashamed i am proud of me! However the question now is am i Gay or am i bi, well in time i truly will find my self in that i find pressuring or trying really hard to figure it out makes no matter nor more easier i be me for me!