Zack's Diary Early years

 
 My early years... I was born on March 1st 1998 at 3:49 pm in Akron General Hospital (in Akron, Ohio) and was bestowed upon the name Zachary Timothy Harris. I was a 9lb baby that was 20 inches long. Skipping along to when I was 3 my family and I moved to North Carolina until one day when I was almost four I collapsed from intestinal pain. It was so bad we moved down to Florida where most of our family was and I got admitted into Arnold Palmer Children's Hospital. Apparently my lower intestine was constricting my urinary tract causing only blood to sap out of my lower member; so, on my 4th birthday I had surgery down that removed a quarter of an inch worth of lower intestine that was clogged and swollen that was the culprit for my medical issues. That part they cut out apparently could be stretched out from patio to front door of an average hotel room, lol. Before the surgery my grandmother gave me a stuffed animal - a dog I named Sniffy.


Skipping ahead a few years in first grade I had only one friend named Hailey. We would take turns checking out "How to draw Pokemon" books from the library and would only do that in class of drawing them. For some reason she was impressed with my drawing skills which boosted my self esteem back then but when I looked back on them in 8th grade I was ashamed. I don't know what the reasoning was for this but at the end of first grade we moved back to Ohio and I went to Jackson Elementary school.
Being the new kid was kind of awkward so I found the other awkward kids and met Kyle and Hannah. Kyle I got to be gross with and just be a guy. We would mix our food into our milk - shake it up - then drink it. Everyone thought we were gross, but we had fun. Hannah and I would talk about paranormal things like how her sister was stillborn and how I'd see random stuff in the corners of my eyes. They were my best friends and I felt accepted by them and enjoyed going to school just to see them. My mom forced me to be on the baseball and soccer team on the weekends and I detested it. I was in my chubby phase so moving fast was an issue for me and I didn't want people to know that. I was moderately good at baseball; I could hit the ball and get to a base. Soccer I sucked at, the ball never came to me - nor did I have enough confidence to steal the ball so I just chewed all the bubble gum the coach provided. He strangely wanted to make sure I liked him and would pat my shoulder, but all I wanted was the sour warhead gum and sunny-D.
Back at school I had a friend on the bus I used to trade game boy games with so we could play more variety with less. One day he wouldn't trade back and Hannah went to his place and demanded my game back for me. Back in an actual classroom one day I met a new kid named Kevin and he just always got on my nerve and ended up making me break my favorite pencil while I was writing. I cried over it since of how young I was and that was the first time I consciously broke something. The teacher had dismissed the class for recess and talked to me one and one, gave me her "favorite" pencil to make up for mine and allowed me to just stay in the classroom by myself in the dark to calm down which is when I found out I liked being alone. When she came back with the class she asked me what I was interested in and I said Hawaii, since I just recently was exposed to lilo and stitch so she allowed me to do a project on Hawaii and asked the rest of the class to pick any state of their choosing and do a project on it. I don't remember her name, but she was a good teacher. Near the end of 3rd grade my family decided to move us back down to Florida (no we aren't a military family) and Kyle and Hannah made me a styrofoam type s'mores snowman that on the bottom written "To a good friend! P.S have a good life for he is a a Jollygood fellow!" and on the top it says ZACK and the back of the head says "Hannah" in the same writing as the bottom and "KYLE" same as on top.
I still have it to this day since it's the only connection I have to them besides from my memories. I did have their numbers and I talked to them once a month until my mom stupidly "deleted" their numbers. We had to move in with my dad's parents when we went back to Florida, but before we did my bully was the only one that could take my older sister's rabbit (Chocolate bun-buns) so had to give him it.
I had to finish third grade at Holland Elementary school; which, they were further behind than Ohio so it was a breeze for a while. I picked antisocial kids to be friends with again which was Katy and Jackson, Sierenna was Katy's best friend so she was tagged along as well. Jackson was a spoiled rich kid that felt he could treat anyone like shit, but he didn't really to me, Katy was a generous rich kid, and Seirenna was a greedy poor kid. I was a giver, but kept track of everything and everyone. Within my first month there I found a red and orange little figurines that reminded me of Kyle and Hannah so I've kept them with them ever since. The last month of the school year we had to do a graded run and I used to run with my head low to the ground and so I couldn't see where I was going and head butted down a tree and got out of doing the rest of it running; yet, after school that day I helped the custodian replant it.
The following year twins Kana and Raina joined the school. They were nearly identical with only differences Kana wore purple, Raina red and Kana's eyesight was better than Raina's as well as her cheeks were slightly more inward than her sister. They were into Pokemon like myself - which all I did in the summer was play Pokemon games on my game boy and read - so they encouraged me to teach my other friends how to play. I was enrolled in their gifted program when I joined so one day of the week I wouldn't see any of them since I was in the OPUS program. Now that I'm thinking about it, maybe it was for the emotionally slow people since most there were loners; yet, that's where I met Jacob that was friends with Kana and Raina as well. Sometimes we'd bring out systems and trade/battle and feel like cool kids for doing that at school. On the rest of the week Katy, Jackson, and myself would dig in the sand and find beads that the after school art crafts group have lost. We'd do that every day and near the end sixth grade the buried me to my neck and while getting out my shoes got stuck, that same day I had brought all my yugioh cards to school and even though they were in my bag when Jackson tattled on me the teacher confiscated them and never gave them back. After school I was digging to get my shoes and hopefully Jacob saw and helped me unearth them so I wouldn't be too late home. The next week while walking him I tripped and scraped my knee so I took out a sheet of notepaper and held it to my knee while walking home, a police officer saw and drove me home in the back seat of her car that was weird, but really cool. When I told my mom I was in the back seat of a cop car she looked like she saw a ghost, but still dressed my wound and told me never to accept rides from cops again.
First year into middle school I was by myself again since all my friends were going to different schools than I. I made four friends that year, one was Geli, Jean-Luc, Lilly, and Tofer. They all branched from Tofer since he was really the only one that wanted to tolerate me, I was a negative antisocial mess that lost my friends yet again and knew I'd just lose whatever friends I made here as soon as I got into high school. Obviously those thoughts didn't afflict him since he still tried to be friends with me. He invited me over for a sleepover which I excitedly asked my mom if I could go and she said sure. The first one was docile and cool, the second one though... he was talking about homosexuality and other stuff like that and here I was - never kissing anyone and just wanting to make sure I had a friend... so I went along with what he wanted to do. I found it gross kissing him so I "cammelled" him same with after him wanting to suck him. He did wait until the pain went away to continue each time. As time went on I started to think that that was just the normal thing to do at sleepovers, then I started doing research on what we were doing here and there until I came to the conclusion I was in love with him. I was stuck in that situation for a year before my mom spied on us while we were in the pool and saw us kissing. After that she immediately informed the entire family before she confronted me to ask if what she saw was correct - so that's how I came out, I was outed by my mother. Then after that she decided to talk to me about it, she asked if anything weird happened when we were swimming and I tried to keep it a secret since I knew it'd ruin me being able to hang out with him. She dug it out of me to admit we were kissing, and after that she confronted his parents and we all had a group discussion of how it couldn't go on and how wrong it was. Then my mother compared it to fucking wild animals and asked both of us if we wanted to fuck wild animals. Also, his mother brought up how it was against the bible and that is we continued we would be abominations to God. At the end of the conversation it was discussed we could still hang out, but had to have open doors and not sleep in the same room, which things continued for about two months until we were caught again at his place and was degraded to the nth degree and thrown out, never welcomed there again. Tofer and I stayed in contact for another 6 months until he gave up and moved to North Carolina forever to join a military school.
At that time I had just started high school and became the president of an ironic Animal Rights club. It is ironic due to the leaders of it I overthrew said to people they had to eat a rat to join. I had also joined the GSA/diversity club to help out and help me come out more. There were also Spanish/Leo club, Spanish/math tutoring (I mentored in), and Harry Potter club along with anime club. Around October that year (I believe) my parents started the divorce process due to my mom already being gone as a flight attendant. It took them a year to finalize everything with setting her up with her own job before ending things, that way she would have a place for the joint custody over me. Soon after the divorce my dad was rarely home so I had it to myself where I'd bring my friends over to watch stupid movies and to play Magic the Gathering, but most of the time I'd just be alone, especially over night and it got lonely. I started falling into a depression and self harming. I didn't feel wanted and that people were just forgetting about me... so I looked for ways to cope and a blade driving blood from me seemed like the answer; so, every once in awhile when I was having a pretty bad day I would write something into my legs with a blade from someone's name, an insult, or a picture. Once I tried to end it by cutting my neck, but stopped midway. There was enough of a mark where the school baker acted me the next day. The next time I tried to overdose on antidepressants my friend was giving me, but I puked them up. I kept adding more extracurricular to each attempt to distract me, but it never fully helped. Sophomore year my sister gave me tickets to go to MegaCon which I had a blast at with my friend Ginny (an ex girlfriend irrelevant to this story) and my cousin Casey that I stayed at a hotel with as well as my sister's friend Joey (who taught me how to ride a bike) and his girlfriend Amanda (I believe) who drove me home. That had sent my depressing thoughts away for quite a while, till they came back with silenced wedding bells.
Both of my parents got remarried within a year of the divorce and they told me and my sister after the fact of the marriage. Neither of their new spouses liked me nor my sister so it was hell of my stepmother living in the house with me and my sister. The biggest issues I had with her is how she was "okay with lesbians, I just don't understand gay men - like why would they want to be together, it's gross and weird" and how she always degraded me saying I would be no help in a zombie apocalypse and just made me feel like a waste of human life so I would lock myself in my room all the time and not see them ever, which worsened my depression and increase myself destructive behavior until my friend took me to megacon and her and all her friends abandoned me there to make me walk back to the hotel by myself late at night in busy Orlando. Good thing my phone was charged and I had the address in my phone. That night I was contacted by my grandmother saying she was wanting to commit suicide and so I was talking her out of it for about an hour. After the next day of just deciding to go home with the "friend" instead of back to the con, she dropped me off at my current boyfriend's place to hopefully cheer me up - but he was being very distant and not very helpful so I went back home depressed and my step mother was making me feel even more like shit than I already was for me feeling like shit. Her reasoning was I was just away for the weekend at a convention and should be happy since I must've had an awesome time there so I should be brimming with joy instead of wanting to collapse on my bed and just cry. The next day at school I could not pick myself up out of the funk no matter what, so after school I was planning to talk to my guidance counselor about it or my psychology teacher, someone; but, my father had texted me saying I have to go home right away after school, even though I told him I have to talk to someone after school. So once I got home I was flustered and didn't want to deal his mind washed state and he didn't want to listen to me crying out for help so I left and went to my grandparents that were a block away. My father followed shortly after and I didn't want to deal with him - I was freaking hiding and my cousin Casey and grandfather Pa were covering for me, but Casey's little sister Katy ratted me out since she couldn't comprehend the severity of the situation and how I has trying to stay away from him; so, I ran again and went to the abandoned house down the street I discovered a year ago and had been cleaning up and repairing. I wanted to just die already so I quickly took down a tire swing I put up and brought the rope to the balcony and began to tie a noose and attached it to a support beam. I had the noose on and started my mental goodbye's until I heard someone screaming bloody murder and looked over and saw Casey screaming for me - she managed to see me and ran to the backyard to try and talk me out of it. A neighbor saw and called the cops on me and it took the cops to get me down and then I was sent to COC for the third time in my life.

That's what ruined any hope of Diana - stepmother - becoming part of my family. That summer she sent me away to my sister's for all of it, away from everyone I care about. I had my phone still confiscated from the rope endeavor - but had my old one so I stayed in contact with my boyfriend so he wouldn't worry about me from no contact. Once I was back I still couldn't go see people, nor go to my clubs so I was devastated. Once I took the dogs for walks and my boyfriend meet up with me just so I could see and hug him and regain my sanity. My father started to care and began taking me to therapy, but I didn't need to talk to a stranger, I needed to talk to my dad and see him be there for me no matter what. He began allowing me to see Alex again behind Diana's back which helped so much with keeping me leveled, especially since being a senior in high school and I was taking 4 Advance Placement classes while my friends were only taking one or two. The previous year I had took AP Calculus and AP preLiterature, this year was Statistics, Literature, Psychology, and Art. Was very stressed beyond belief from all of that and when Diana decided to kick me out of my father's house a month back in there I was pisseed and moved in with my boyfriend and my mother's since a month ago I had to find him a place since he was kicked out as well. It was nice staying with him, but my step-father wasn't too keen on neither us nor my mother since all of us were too different to him. Me and Alex loved being antisocial in our room just enjoying the dark and videogames and my mom loved being open and doing activities, which I would keep her company every once in a while to spend time with her. Eventually Alex had to move out since "the landlord" heard there were too many people living there and wanted him gone - though he never told me this, I only ever heard it thru my stepfather and what was funny is the parents of the apartment would be gone most of the month since of them being flight attendants, so most of the time it was only two there at a time and with a dog being there- the more the merrier to discourage animal abuse numbers being called. It was dormant being there with a monthly hiccup of step father being a drunken mess to everyone.
On my graduation night my stepfather had too much to drink and made a public indecency at the hotel where I was having the family get together so Alex took me back to the apartment to stay away from the unwanted drama. My friend Courtney and Andy came by to take pre graduation pictures of me wearing my tux and with Alex and was going to be my family before the scene at the hotel. Demetrius, the step father, got a cab back to the apartment and kicked us out of it so we went to my best friend Paige's and just hung out with them until the ceremony. Alex left right after I crossed the stage and after the ceremony it was a giant bambarde of people wanting pictures, which I was ok with - for once. After though was a school sponsored after party I was going to so I hang to swing by the apartment to change out of the tux. I brought my best friend's mom with me incase shit would hit the fan. I tried to go in, but he stripped the key hole with a flat head screwdriver and the other door was stuck so I ended up waking him up and I encouraged my way in; yet' he kept saying he was done with mine and my mother's shit and just wanted us out NOW, so I told him "I'm just getting necessities and changing and then I'll be gone". He ended up losing it and reached out with his right hand upside down so his thumb was sticking to the right and began choking me. I forced myself free and called the cops and during the call he broke pictures and sprayed the glass throughout the apartment to make my story sound false, but frum the mute evidence on both sides they ended up just supervising while I got what was needed and depart. We went back to Paige's party and I was just a downer and ruined it for her, then again at the school's party - though, I did win a ninja blender. Ended up staying at Paige's until I had enough saved up from Dollar General to get a place with my sister and my boyfriend.
Alex wasn't the most work driven individual so I ended up spotting him for rent repetitively, especially since I didn't have my license nor a car and no one wanted to teach me how to drive. This continued on for several months till Christmas day he started to move us into his cousin's without even waiting until I was ok with the idea. So I ended up moving back in with Paige and within a month I got a license and a car - during that month Alex cheated on me and got some STD, don't know what and I don't care. He also was getting into worse drugs (he was already smoking weed which I was ok with) and stopped caring as much about me. So we broke up two days before Valentine's Day.
That is literally a week/ week and a half before I found out about this opportunity, so that is the jist of what has happened in my life prior to The Gay Real World. Never really did much of going partying or anything so this will be chocked full of new experiences.